Not the type that you get when you are young, the type you feel when you are older.
I love seeing people break their own beliefs and see the world in a different light.
Finally breaking free and tasting that feeling of opportunity, that belief, that much much more is possible.
Much more than they were led to believe…
It comes with Growing Pains. Usually in the form of people. People who want to hold you back.
Friends, family, work mates, work partners, neighbours, parents, siblings, even children…
Many people disguised as wanting the best for you do not want the best for you… Simple.
What does it look like?
When you have done something that made you feel awesome and proud
– they may play it down as nothing special.
– they quickly tell you about when they did it and that it was not a big deal
– they name drop or number drop and make your achievement feel less significant
– they focus on an old trauma or emotion and try and rattle you back into your ‘place’
– they bring up something personal to distract you and trigger self doubt
– they kill the fun in any big ideas
– they talk about all the problems without offering solutions
– they do not celebrate your success with you with an open and genuine heart
– you want to spread your wings and they get you busy doing small meaningless tasks
Bottom line – THEY FEAR YOUR GROWTH.
Why? They fear you will outgrow them and they will be left alone… either physically, emotionally, strategically… Different.
They want things to stay as they are…
They fear you will no longer need them… That you will outgrow them.
This can be between friends – protecting the current state wanting it to stay the same.
This can be older children not wanting their mum or dad to feel empowered because they like having mum or dad around on tap.
It may even be between life partners fearing they will no longer be wanted, compatible, have the same dreams or attracted to each other.
Business partners may fear the other leaving for better opportunities.
They are in fear. They fear a future emotion. Usually a deep emotion they do not want to feel again. Something from the past is anchored to it.
Subconsciously they are protecting themselves from feeling that pain again.
Have they felt great sadness, embarrassment, loss? Maybe rejections, disappointment… Maybe a combination.
So, how do you handle Growing Pains and continue to grow and licentious biggest life…
Growth is hard enough without having all these things trying to drag you down!
You need to make peace with the input, the toxin. Identify that it is coming from a place of pain and that it is actually not about you and your growth. It’s about them, their fear and their journey .
However… It is not always that easy.
The proximity of the toxin can be someone who you see daily – lives with you, a room mate, life partner, children, parents or someone you work with.
You need to create a toxic filter. Depending on the situation it might have to be a huge one. You need to see they their fear is trying to control your growth… And they really sucks. And that should really annoy you when you think about it.
Strong opinionated people in a subconscious state of fear can throw toxins around a room amazingly well.
So, how to handle these situations.
First Identify the people and situations. You know who I am talking about. You feel it in your stomach. They do not understand your excitement. They drain your energy and you feel flat after being around them. They do not add solutions, they talk about problems.
Next prepare with love. So remember most people are doing this subconsciously so don’t be too hard on them. They are scared and in fear. Prepare yourself that it will be coming. Still be annoyed but don’t make it personal. They are on a different frequency.
Avoid critical energy situations – Do not share your excitement with them at critical energy moments. For example, your graduation, after an amazing event, celebrating a huge win or milestone. Avoid this energy entering your space… Keep it as your own secret. Swim in the energy with like minded people and enjoy it. Let it go in before coming across toxic paths. This may mean spending a day or two after an event alone. Or not driving straight home after an event. Spend a few hours letting the energy get into your bones!
Then prepare to deflect. Expect the incoming toxin and simply do not receive it. Water off a ducks back so to speak. When you do not let the toxin in, to whom does the toxin belong? Back with the sender! If they say something, move on, shrug it off or don’t try and elaborate.
Drop the ego. Remember it’s not about you anyway. Do not drain your energy defending your position against their toxin. That is their reality. They are great at playing a negative game…
Do not play the negative game. They will win. They are better at it than you 😉
It is not your job. Real growth comes from within. You can talk to them forever and eventually burn all your energy. It is not your job to make them understand your growth, your passion, your visions. This is very hard and disappointing sometimes with people you deeply love and care for.
Back yourself and extract. Remove yourself completely or significantly reduce the frequency of interaction. The world is full of amazing people and our truly limited resource is time. Spend it wisely.
Stay true and attract. Stay true to your growth. Have gratitude for everything you have and feel energised and excited. You will attract more and more amazing people into your life as a result.
This growing thing is tough, but worth every bit of effort and really that’s probably what we are here to do!
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